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Lessons from clown school

It was my coach who taught me the power of retreats. The power of coming together in a magical place (that isn't home) cannot be underestimated.

For the last two years I've attended a retreat with my coach in Santa Fe, where he brings together experts to help his clients tap deeper into who they are and what they want their lives to look and feel like. Through different facilitators, we face our unique fears, doubts, hopes, and dreams—and take a closer look at what might be standing in the way of the life we want.

If you've been here a while, you've heard me say it before: "we are always at choice." Even when it feels like we aren't.

One of our activities this year was Clown School. Yes, you heard me right.

Mackenzie Shapiro guided us through an afternoon of clowning activities—teaching us to access deeper truth and get more in touch with our vulnerable, awkward, and even helpless side. We focused on wordless communication, doing things that scared us right there in front of our peers, and failing over and over again.

Admittedly, some of the exercises made me want to curl up in a ball, but since I was there for my own growth—I showed up and participated fully.

One activity had us write out a list of all the things we could "never" do—things we were simply too afraid to do. And then we had to perform one of them for the group.

Voices groaned. Stomachs churned.

One-at-a-time each brave soul stood up and did the thing they were most scared of doing—held in awe by the group as they faced their fear. I watched my peers sing karaoke without lyrics, attempt unsupported headstands, share vulnerable truths. Each facing a barrage of inner dialogue telling them not to do it, they weren't safe, they would look stupid.

I stood up, trembling, and offered to give a psychic reading in front of an audience.

Ordinarily my nerves get the better of me under pressure. My desire to please or get it right comes front and center and the urge to make it all up is strong. But with trembling breath I closed my eyes, connected to my center, and tapped into my body for signs of what my "client" might be feeling.

I delivered a message about not needing to carry so much weight on his shoulders—that he was not doing it all alone. That's when I felt both of this man's parents standing behind him, on either side, holding and supporting him. Reminding him they were always there.

His eyes filled with tears. So did mine. And a number of others in the room.

When I finished, the wave of joy that flooded through me at facing one of my biggest fears was palpable. Despite the trembling hands and deep desire to "get it right," I was able to tune in to something greater than myself. And I showed myself that I can work through strong currents of fear and remain connected to my body and my spirit—something I had previously thought nearly impossible.

Here is what I learned:

• You have to let other people fail - you cannot protect them from learning the lessons they need to learn.
• Communication is done with so much more than our words – every eye movement, every shift in the body, every drop of energy in the room tells a story.
• If you're not doing something because you're afraid of looking stupid, do it as soon as possible! And, if possible, with an audience watching. The fear is real, but the pride of accomplishment is even greater when it's all over.
• Get used to messing it all up. Failure is a mandatory part of the program—if you aren't failing, you aren't really showing up.
• We are all in this together - there is not a single person on Earth who isn't trying to figure it out as they go.

​Read the full story about my Santa Fe retreat experience here.​

What fear have you been avoiding facing? How might you be able to show up and face it today?

Sending you love, as always,

Amanda